Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
Randomize
