i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
handjob tips. give me some.
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
Randomize
