you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
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