You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
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