Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
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