It's Friday. Sex?
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
FUCK WHALES
Randomize
