i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Randomize
