ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
Randomize
