The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
So here I am, sexting at work.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
Randomize
