the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
A bitchslap is in order.
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