Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
