Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
I have feelings that need drinking.
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize
