He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
Randomize
