it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
Randomize
