she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
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