i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
Randomize
