fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Randomize
