those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
birth control should be required to get into college
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
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