Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
After tacos, we're chasing women.
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
Randomize
