why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Randomize
