Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Randomize
