I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
Randomize
