i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
Randomize
