Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
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