So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
Randomize
