Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
Randomize
