not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
Randomize
