While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Randomize
