Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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