Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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