Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
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