Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
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