There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
i'm watching degrassi (go figure) and the episode is about jimmy not being able to get a boner and now he's famous and rapping about popping pussies..i dont get it.
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
