Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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