i am a beautiful darrk chocolate womann
honey you're def caucasian
i am a beautiful white cholcllate woman.... Z
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
Randomize
