Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
We had sex on a dog bed..
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
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