Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
Green mimosas i think yes
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
Randomize
