I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
i would punch a child for taco bell
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
im about as happy as oj after his trial
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
Randomize
