i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
