I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
Randomize