Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
farters have to be the big spoon...
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
Randomize
