The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
Randomize