When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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