Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
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