Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
So squirting runs in the family.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
