it wasn't lemon gatorade
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
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