Well douche your snatch and let's go!
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Randomize
