I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Randomize
