Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
Randomize
