I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
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