I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
