he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
Randomize
