Your favorite bartender is back from prision
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
Randomize
