She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Randomize
