worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
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