I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
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I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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