Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
Randomize
