We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
Randomize
