He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
sick fucks of a feather flock together
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Randomize
