Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
