When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
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