So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize