The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
