I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize