i jhust puked up my retainher.
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
Randomize
