is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
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the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize