Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
