I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Randomize
