there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
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