You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
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