You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
Randomize
