Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
Holy sore nipples Batman
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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